I love Jesus but I think a little... actually a lot... I'm an overthinker...
If you are an overthinker, I don't need to explain to you what I'm talking about because you are very much aware of the thought patterns that plague our minds and effect our self-esteem, relationships, jobs, opportunities...
If you aren't an overthinker, I'm certain that you know at least one. You think you know who we are and what we are thinking, but the truth is, unless you have taken the time to hear our thoughts and their patterns, you probably don't know our thoughts very deeply. You tell us things like, "stop overthinking!" or "why must you read into everything?" or "get out of your head". You mean well, you really do, you are certain that if we would just CHILL we would be so much happier and secure. And you are RIGHT. What you don't know is that we wish we could just STOP IT.
You see, simple day to day things or conversations that simply roll off of your back, take on a life of their own for the overthinker. If the overthinker happens to also battle insecurity or rejection (which most of them do) it can become monstrous. No doubt, if you are in a relationship with an overthinker, you know how exhausting it can be to love us. I say this with utmost sincerity... thank you, God bless your soul, because we exhaust ourselves... I can only imagine what we do to you!
Back to us... the ones who overthink. I don't know about you, but I don't like this trait, in fact I detest it. If makes me feel bad about myself, makes me feel weak, and it preoccupies my mind... when I should laughing with my children or enjoying an afternoon of shopping for gorgeous red high heels or spending quality time with someone whom I dearly love... I miss the joys in those moments so often because I'm dwelling in my mind over the "hidden" meaning of a text message or that conversation at work where I was given a promotion but I'm not sure the boss really wanted to give it to me. My overthinking robs me of the abundant life Christ died to give me. I believe that an analytical mind is a gift from the Lord, we need people who pay attention to detail and who analyze things... it's productive. However, I believe that overthinking is a tool, a trap that the enemy uses against the analytical, system thinker. The Word tells us that he comes to steal to kill and to destroy, that he prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour... friends, if you are an overthinker, you know the effects of this.
A simple, "no, I can't go to the movies Friday night..." or "LU2" in response to an I love you text can send an overthinker down a disastrous path. They don't want to go to the movies because they don't want to hang out with me. I'm not good enough. They would rather do something else. OR they don't love me... why else would they not spell out I love you? These are simple, silly examples... the thought life of an overthinker is actually a lot deeper and more elaborate than this but I wanted to give us all an example or two to work with. Here's the thing, looking at these examples makes me want to scream, "STOP IT... THEY ARE BUSY... PEOPLE ARE BUSY... THEY CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES THIS WEEKEND... IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!" or "STOP IT... THEY LOVE YOU, MAYBE THEY ARE DRIVING OR BUSY... A TEXT DOES NOT EQUATE A RELATIONSHIP". A sweet friend whom I dearly love and respect said something to me recently that rocked my overthinking mind... she said, "don't write a chapter in my story that isn't true". What she meant was, when I overthink or doubt her love for me, I'm making up something about her... I'm creating a version of truth that is incorrect. We tend to think that our thought lives are only detrimental to us but that isn't true... when people love us, we can wound them through our battle with overthinking. We can put too much pressure on them and often times when we do, we lose the relationship. Overthinking really takes our minds off of others and puts it on ourselves. It makes us selfish, arrogant, and prideful... newsflash... the world does not revolve around me and it doesn't revolve around you either
I believe that overthinking, at least for me, is a sin. Susanna Wesley said it best, "whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things; in short, if anything increases the authority and power of the FLESH over the SPIRIT, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself." Overthinking not only puts the flesh over the spirit and keeps us thinking about ourselves constantly which is prideful, it has detrimental effects on our minds, spirits, and if like me you are physically sensitive to anxiety and tension, it even effects our bodies.
So, what do we do? We know it negatively impacts us. It causes tension in our relationships, robs us of peace and joy... I don't want to live that life, I've been on a journey toward winning this battle... it's an uphill climb but I'm determined to get to the top.
Here are some things that are helping:
1. "We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
Take every thought captive. Meaning... every single thought that starts to send you down a spiral, take it captive and hold it against truth. For example: "my friend isn't responding to my text, she must not like me anymore." STOP. Have you had an argument with this friend? Has she told you she doesn't like you anymore? NO... okay, then trash that thought... hold it up against truth, TRUTH wins.
2. Spend dedicated time in prayer. This battle is big, we need help that only God can provide. "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind" 2 Timothy 1:7. Ask God to help you rest in that.
3. Read, study, write, post notes everywhere containing scriptural truth. "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" Romans 12:2. Renew your mind with scripture. It's TRUTH.
4. Talk it out. Not with anyone... but with one or two very close, trustworthy people who can help hold you accountable and still love you!
What if you aren't an overthinker? How can you help someone who is?
1. Give them grace. This battle is harder than you think because it's constant, our minds never shut off.
2. Simple things make a HUGE difference... for example: "we're good. I love you" that text message can radically change the thought pattern of an overthinker.
3. Listen. If an overthinker trusts you enough to let them in... that's a big deal. But also, speak truth... remind them when they are struggling of the truth of scripture, the truth of who they are, and maybe the truth of your love for them.
If you are an overthinker, I don't need to explain to you what I'm talking about because you are very much aware of the thought patterns that plague our minds and effect our self-esteem, relationships, jobs, opportunities...
If you aren't an overthinker, I'm certain that you know at least one. You think you know who we are and what we are thinking, but the truth is, unless you have taken the time to hear our thoughts and their patterns, you probably don't know our thoughts very deeply. You tell us things like, "stop overthinking!" or "why must you read into everything?" or "get out of your head". You mean well, you really do, you are certain that if we would just CHILL we would be so much happier and secure. And you are RIGHT. What you don't know is that we wish we could just STOP IT.
You see, simple day to day things or conversations that simply roll off of your back, take on a life of their own for the overthinker. If the overthinker happens to also battle insecurity or rejection (which most of them do) it can become monstrous. No doubt, if you are in a relationship with an overthinker, you know how exhausting it can be to love us. I say this with utmost sincerity... thank you, God bless your soul, because we exhaust ourselves... I can only imagine what we do to you!
Back to us... the ones who overthink. I don't know about you, but I don't like this trait, in fact I detest it. If makes me feel bad about myself, makes me feel weak, and it preoccupies my mind... when I should laughing with my children or enjoying an afternoon of shopping for gorgeous red high heels or spending quality time with someone whom I dearly love... I miss the joys in those moments so often because I'm dwelling in my mind over the "hidden" meaning of a text message or that conversation at work where I was given a promotion but I'm not sure the boss really wanted to give it to me. My overthinking robs me of the abundant life Christ died to give me. I believe that an analytical mind is a gift from the Lord, we need people who pay attention to detail and who analyze things... it's productive. However, I believe that overthinking is a tool, a trap that the enemy uses against the analytical, system thinker. The Word tells us that he comes to steal to kill and to destroy, that he prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour... friends, if you are an overthinker, you know the effects of this.
A simple, "no, I can't go to the movies Friday night..." or "LU2" in response to an I love you text can send an overthinker down a disastrous path. They don't want to go to the movies because they don't want to hang out with me. I'm not good enough. They would rather do something else. OR they don't love me... why else would they not spell out I love you? These are simple, silly examples... the thought life of an overthinker is actually a lot deeper and more elaborate than this but I wanted to give us all an example or two to work with. Here's the thing, looking at these examples makes me want to scream, "STOP IT... THEY ARE BUSY... PEOPLE ARE BUSY... THEY CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES THIS WEEKEND... IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!" or "STOP IT... THEY LOVE YOU, MAYBE THEY ARE DRIVING OR BUSY... A TEXT DOES NOT EQUATE A RELATIONSHIP". A sweet friend whom I dearly love and respect said something to me recently that rocked my overthinking mind... she said, "don't write a chapter in my story that isn't true". What she meant was, when I overthink or doubt her love for me, I'm making up something about her... I'm creating a version of truth that is incorrect. We tend to think that our thought lives are only detrimental to us but that isn't true... when people love us, we can wound them through our battle with overthinking. We can put too much pressure on them and often times when we do, we lose the relationship. Overthinking really takes our minds off of others and puts it on ourselves. It makes us selfish, arrogant, and prideful... newsflash... the world does not revolve around me and it doesn't revolve around you either
I believe that overthinking, at least for me, is a sin. Susanna Wesley said it best, "whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things; in short, if anything increases the authority and power of the FLESH over the SPIRIT, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself." Overthinking not only puts the flesh over the spirit and keeps us thinking about ourselves constantly which is prideful, it has detrimental effects on our minds, spirits, and if like me you are physically sensitive to anxiety and tension, it even effects our bodies.
So, what do we do? We know it negatively impacts us. It causes tension in our relationships, robs us of peace and joy... I don't want to live that life, I've been on a journey toward winning this battle... it's an uphill climb but I'm determined to get to the top.
Here are some things that are helping:
1. "We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
Take every thought captive. Meaning... every single thought that starts to send you down a spiral, take it captive and hold it against truth. For example: "my friend isn't responding to my text, she must not like me anymore." STOP. Have you had an argument with this friend? Has she told you she doesn't like you anymore? NO... okay, then trash that thought... hold it up against truth, TRUTH wins.
2. Spend dedicated time in prayer. This battle is big, we need help that only God can provide. "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind" 2 Timothy 1:7. Ask God to help you rest in that.
3. Read, study, write, post notes everywhere containing scriptural truth. "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" Romans 12:2. Renew your mind with scripture. It's TRUTH.
4. Talk it out. Not with anyone... but with one or two very close, trustworthy people who can help hold you accountable and still love you!
What if you aren't an overthinker? How can you help someone who is?
1. Give them grace. This battle is harder than you think because it's constant, our minds never shut off.
2. Simple things make a HUGE difference... for example: "we're good. I love you" that text message can radically change the thought pattern of an overthinker.
3. Listen. If an overthinker trusts you enough to let them in... that's a big deal. But also, speak truth... remind them when they are struggling of the truth of scripture, the truth of who they are, and maybe the truth of your love for them.
Be encouraged, friends... we all have our struggles... I hope that me sharing mine helps someone out there. The video below will now provide you with some comedic relief...
STOP IT!!
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