Nonperformance... failure to try!

I believe that my biggest fear in life is failure... failure to be a good wife, failure to give my children the love and support that they need, failure to do my work with excellence, failure to live a life of integrity with a pure heart... but most of all, I fear that on the day that I stand before God to give an account of my life, I will have to say that I wasted the life He gave me to live.

Do you remember the parable of the talents in Matthew 25? The master gave 5 talents to one slave, 2 to another, and 1 to the last. The one who received 5 ran out and made 5 more, the one who received 2 also doubled his portion, but the one who received only one talent hid it away because he was afraid to lose what the master had given him. To the first two slaves, the master responded, "well done good and faithful servant" to the last he responded "you evil and lazy slave".

I have often wondered, what if the third slave had invested the one talent and lost it? Was the bigger issue that the slave didn't try? Would the master have been equally angry if the slave had tried and lost? Would the master have returned and said, "you gave it your best, well done good and faithful servant"?

There are countless quotes about failure that convey that failure is when you stop trying or that failure teaches you and gives you another opportunity to succeed. One of the definitions of failure on dictionary.com is "nonperformance of something"... nonperformance, failure to perform... failure to try!

Recently my family has been given an opportunity to join an incredible team where we will have an opportunity to learn from godly people who have done great work for the kingdom. It's an amazing opportunity and we are beyond thankful. It's one of the moments in life where you know that the Holy Spirit has been at work, going before you, making a way, directing your path, and orchestrating things in a way that you couldn't imagine.

and then... old scars surface, previous failures come to the forefront of your mind, negative thoughts infiltrate your joyous heart, and you feel as though you should permanently insert your foot into your mouth because it stays there so much!... am I the only one this happens to? My prayers have become something like this:

"God, thank you so much for this incredible journey. Forgive me for not being good enough... thank you for showing us favor that we don't deserve. Please erase that stupid thing I said from those people's minds. Heal my mouth... it hurts from my big foot. Jesus please guide me... don't let me fail. I so desire to bring you glory and honor... I know you have called us to this, I know you have called us to serve... help me get out of the way so that you can use me for your purposes!"...

I saw a quote from Bill Hybel that said, "Every significant vision God births in you will put your courage to the test". Yes, my courage is being tested... yes, the enemy would like me to run away and hide my talents out of fear of failure... but I won't... we won't.

I believe that the true issue with the third slave is that he didn't try... the master calls him evil and lazy which indicates that he didn't work hard or try... it also indicates that his heart and motives were not pure. I recently heard a sermon on being pure in heart... the direction and intention of hearts matter. If the slave had pushed past his fear, perhaps asked God to create in Him a pure heart and tried with all his might to utilize the talent, he might have lost the talent but I still think the story might have ended differently.

I am determined to run the race before me... to continue to ask God to guide my steps... to give my all with excellence unto the Lord... I will renew my mind with scripture... passionately worship God... and in the event that I miss the mark, I will get back up, ask forgiveness and try again ~~~~ because I do believe that failure is when you stop trying and stop seeking to discern His will.

So, here is the prayer I am moving on to:
"God thank you so much for the incredible journey we are on... thank you so much for the people we have met, the things we are learning, and the village you have already provided to help us juggle our precious ones while we seek to do our new duties with excellence. Please continue to do a work in us, draw us even closer to your side and help us to grow into the people you have called us and purposed us to be. Create in us a pure heart and a steadfast spirit. Help us to bring positivity and determination to every situation. Give us words to speak. Help us to be intentional and diligent at every task. Help us not to be overcome with busyness but to renew our minds in your word and live each moment on purpose. We are so humbled by all of the ministry that we have the opportunity to do in all of the congregations in which we are involved. Thank you for calling us... remind us that where you call, you also equip. My heart is overcome with thankfulness. Please make me a blessing to my coworkers, my husband, my children, my family, and my friends... help me bring peace and joy into every room I enter." Amen

What about you? Are you hiding your talents... scared to try... scared of failure? Take it to the one who makes all things new... ask Him to examine your heart and give you the courage to take the steps you need to take!

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" Psalm 51:10.



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